Today I ask for everything… but if you can’t give me that Father, then just give me nothing.
If not success or fame, if not winning or popularity, money or toys, if not friends and fortune, wisdom and strength. If not situations to build me up and place me on top.
Then, Father, put me on the bottom, I don’t desire to be like the rest of the world. If I can’t win Father, then take me out of the rat race. And don’t put me in a spiritual rat race to be better, because even in being the best speaker or writer, I would just be doing it in me. And if everything I do is about me, then it is success, fame, winning, popularity, money, toys, friends, fortune, my own wisdom and strength in fleshly lusts and desires. In the end it is not about you. I can only build myself to the maximum of me, then I become all of me in my own really small little world.
And Father, that world is not good enough. My own reality is not near enough for the glory and power you have called me to, your reality… so I ask a favor… If none of this can be of me, then Father, pick me up. Place me on top the altar, and while you’re there, place each one of those desires on the altar with me, and burn it. Take all that, and give me a piece of you.
Just give me one touch, an inkling of your presence. You are a consuming fire, your word is like fire. A second in your presence, a moment with you, to feel your holiness, your love, your sovereignty, your power, your mercy and your grace is more than every achievement and worldly lust, desire and glory. To be stripped naked and stand in front of the world, exposed, to not feel ashamed or guilty, to not need the approval of man, to stand… and just to stand… with you, to not have to be cleaned by scrubbing, but cleansed by the continuous movement of the washing of your blood over me. To be ever humbled and lifted up.
Just give me, a moment that I can recognize that all my sin, everything I’ve ever done, is not enough to even get me one moment in front of you. Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere, I would rather serve you, the one true God, than any other fading glory in the world, because your glory is the only one that lasts, your presence the only thing that can possibly bring me to eternity, the glory you have called me to. Your presence, the ONLY REALITY, your voice is always speaking, if only I could hear it, your faithfulness proves through thousands of generations, viewing your loving kindness and proclaiming your glory, just allow me to feel it. God take me…Not out of a worldly mindset, not to a mission-minded thought, but to the thoughts and paths of you, send me back to you. The one true God, to not take a step outside of your will, to not lose you in the daily activity, to not lose you in the song or study, but to honor you in all I do.
To continually learn how to stand in awe of you, of your presence and your creation. The heavens declare your glory. Sometimes I get confused and forget, my mind wanders and strays from the truth… I miss the sunrise and sunset, and just see light and dark. Your continual completion of your creation surpasses all wisdom, knowledge, discernment and understanding. Your truth, amazing. I stand in awe… of you.
What more can I do, than to ever point my hearts gaze toward you? I count everything else as loss,You are my only gain,You Father are the only true reality, you are my one true desire, you are my only hope.