The potential impact of what one man’s casual actions can do to a woman’s heart is astonishing.
“…Deep down it felt good to be around someone who really cared and had so much affection for me.”
What does it take to lead in a godly manner? What does it mean to be a godly man?
Since the essence of manhood is to initiate and lead, you must ask if you are on the way to becoming a leader and a godly man? 1 Cor. 11:13 Judge for yourselves: Is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered?
What makes a R.E.A.L. man:Reject Passivity.
Gen 2:15The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.
– Real man has vision (God’s Vision)
– If you are Real Man you know where you are going (where God is taking you, not where your flesh is taking you)
– Many men don’t have a clear picture of manhood; they don’t know who they are trying to become. Notice I said: who they are trying to become, no what. There is a BIG difference.
– Becoming a healthy man requires you have to have a vision for your life which means you must stop playing games and actively pursue the call of God in your heart.
Eccl. 3:10-11 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
– Real man lives his life in light of eternity.
– No experience in this life on earth no matter how varied, stimulating or memorable- can provide true contentment because we have restless longing for something eternal.
– Living with eternity in our minds means that we live our lives to make God look good (bring Him Glory).
– Real man demonstrates self-awareness (Just like Apostle Paul)
Phil 3:5-7 circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless. But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.
– We must we aware of who we are, how we think, how we manipulate, how we control and how our heritage, life experiences, skills, gifts, hurts, habits and personal temperaments will impact us as we interact with women.
– This also includes a man’s responsibility for the “baggage” he will bring to a relationship.
– If you want to grow as a man, you have to dig deeper than you think, you may discover that experiences, family background, cultural and spiritual values and personal beliefs are governing your behavior.
– Men, we cannot be the head of anything or anyone without first being prepared to accept the consequent responsibility. Are you ready to lead? Are you ready to be hold accountable in how to lead?
Are you prepared to love consistently? We must learn to love consistently, comprehensively and completely.
Eph. 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
– gives us an example and idea how Christ loves the church. Are you loving God consistently and completely?
How a godly men should interact with women in a healthy way:
- A godly man does not engage in emotional, physical or spiritual oneness with women whom he has not made a commitment (marriage).
Eph. 5:3-4 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.
– Don’t use the relationship to meet your emotional or physical needs.
– Paul says it’s more than abstaining from sex; it’s about watching what you say, how you say it, and how you behave.
– Be careful about praying with or sharing other spiritually and emotionally intimate experiences, especially one-on-one with women.
– We have to be cautious with whom we share our hopes, dreams and fears. (women naturally tend to connect with men) so we must be on guard about interactions.
– When you least expect it (and with whom you least expect it) those casual interactions can lead to emotional, physical and spiritual bonds that are meant to be shared only with your wife or an intentional godly courtship heading toward marriage.
2. A godly man chooses not to lust after a woman (to satisfy himself at her expense)
2 Tim. 2:22 Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
– It’s a choice and you must make the right choice each time.
– James1:15- when desire conceives, it gives birth to sin, and when sin is full grown, it gives birth to death.
– Sometime we have to go the extra mile to flee from lust.
– Boundaries play an important role here.
3. A godly man understands God’s design for sex.
1 Cor. 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
– Sex is specifically designed for marriage. Sex outside of marriage can prove detrimental to both the man and the woman. (soul ties)
– Glorify God with your body.
1 Cor. 6:19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;
– A godly man enters into a relationship with a commitment to sexual purity before marriage. Don’t be deceived, many single Christians who love God have yet to surrender this area of their lives to Him.
4. A godly man knows that inappropriate and unbalance interactions with women can have a lasting negative effect on their view of men and his view of women.
– 1 Tim. 5:1 Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers,
– Paul charges timothy to speak to younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sister – with completely purity.
– This is a choice godly man has to make. It’s time we move from players to leaders. There is a fine line between being considerate or complimentary and being flirtatious or fishing for compliments. There is a fine line between being a gentlemen and treating her like a girlfriend. These lines can be hard to see, but trust me, we always know when we pass those lines.
– A godly man must be extremely careful with the time they spend with women. That caution doesn’t end once you decide to enter a relationship.
5. A godly man views himself as a leader in any relationship and takes a lead role accordingly, always knowing the responsibility of it.
– Joshua 24:15 But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”
– As godly men we set the tone for our friendship with women and when we are married for our homes, families.
6. A godly men uses God’s word as a guide for His life in community.
– Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.
– God speaks to us as men through His word and His people.
– The amount of time we spend in His word is evident in how we live our lives.
– If you can’t grasp the magnitude of who God designed you to be, you can’t begin to see all of life.
Practical precautions to practice emotional abstinence.
1. Be selective about what areas of your life you expose to women.
2. Be discerning about sharing intimate emotions.
3. When relating to men, take what they say at face value.
4. When relating to women, read between the lines.
– Do you consider yourself leading women well during your interactions in every way, shape and form?
– What do you think it looks like to engage in an inappropriate way with women?
– Are you taking/playing in any way the role of protector, adviser, comforter, counselor or provider for women?
– Is your behavior with women appropriate for a godly man?
– Have you been cautious in having the right pace in your friendships with women?
– Have you set clear boundaries?
God should be the most important “subject” in your life and He deserves your focus. Allow the Holy Spirit within you to be your “auto-focus” instead of relying on your own wisdom and strength.
We must first look at who God wants us to be as individuals and gauge how we are processing before we can deal with the wider world of dating and relationships.
One man’s experience…
I think that men and women can be friends, but I think it requires a lot of honesty and transparency and clear healthy boundaries. I think it’s really hard to be friends when 2 people are attracted to one another and one of them is lying and saying that the other is just their “friend” in hopes that someday the other person will get a clue.
I think that many people that call themselves “friends” aren’t honest with their true desires.
As singles, we need to be honest with who we are, what we desire and how our past influences our decisions constantly. We must not allow our desires to makes us rush into the dating process too quickly. We need to first make sure we are on the path to becoming healthy and healed individuals or we’ll end up hurting ourselves even more (not to mention those with whom we are in any kind of relationship).
Who would have ever believed that something as simple as my conversation could engage a woman’s heart? In my mind I was just being friendly with the hope of developing a friendship but nothing more – well maybe a little more – I realized that through my conversation or considerate actions, I could speak to the hearts of women with much deeper meaning than I could understand on my own. This revelation has changed me forever.
My reality has been shaken up and I realized that things were a lot more serious than I first perceived. I now had a responsibility to guard my heart and the heart of women and treat them as my sisters. Part of that responsibility meant that I would have to be on alert when interacting with women.
I now understand in a practical way, that is a woman is not your wife, then she is your sister and should be treated as such in all purity. I can no longer straddle the fence between friend and love interest. So until the time when God presents her to me, I do the work that God has giving me to serve Him. I work in preparation of what is to come and to minimize distractions from fulfilling His will.