set the LORD always before me.

Psalms 16.7-8  – I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me, I have set the LORD always before me, because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.  

Especially MY heart, instructs me at night.  I stay up later than anyone I know.  

Waking early in the morning is hard, my 6am workouts have been flagging.  Excitement to wake to see the day hasn’t come much lately for work or workouts.  But I do trust in the Lord, I have spent two days looking at world race video online, 11 months, 11 countries, and gotten less sleep than ever.  I don’t even know if I’d ever have the balls to go, but it’s fun to entertain the idea. I don’t even know anything about the ministry, I have no clue.  Let me know if you do.  I don’t really know how I happened on it.  Looks cool anyways, I can pray for them.

Indeed, a world mission trip is before me, at some point in time.  A bit scary, I trust the LORD is before me on this.  It is definitely something that sets my heart on fire.  Since my missions to Brazil, I have been burdened by this “Sell everything and go” idea.  Kinda nuts.  Follow me, He said, and I will make you fishers of men. (Matt. 4.19)  

I want to pursue the greatest adventure of my life.  I want to be bold and daring, and to live a life like the men on Secondhand Lions.  I want to have fairy tales to tell my grandchildren, or have no grandchildren at all.  I want God to be my provider, I want to exhibit full trust in Him in all I do.  I want to be a man of God and a man of faith.  How do you do that other than following James 5 and staying on your knees in prayer???  I know for sure, this puts me on my knees. 

James 5.16-18 – Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops.

But, how in the world would you return from quitting your day job and pursuing a year long mission trip? and go back to normal?  What is normal?  I don’t think I’ve ever known.

I do know, I go into a depression for the people for like 2 months after each mission trip.  Not so much a depression, but I am truly burdened.  I love on short-term missions, having one focus and serving the Lord with my whole heart.  I love waking to the day and asking the Lord what HE would have me to do.  I love seeing the water beside the boat on the Amazon.  I love seeing other cultures worship the Lord in other languages and methods.  I loved holding a 50 year-old, typed, Ingatu bible, He is the same God.  

I wonder- as I always ask before missions- why I can’t do this here?  Today.  Why am I not?  Why is it so hard for me to live like that here?  Where is my focus?  What am I holding to?  I wonder, because I’ve been so blessed, am I indeed within the Lord’s will?  I wonder, as I prayed for God to open and close doors, why the last three months I have seen my work fall into the tank?  Preparing me?  Closing doors?  or is it just my post-mission depression?  Am I over thinking?  

Do I think too much?  YES.  But, in all this, I do know one thing, the Lord is always before me.  I am asking.  And, I submit, to whatever, whenever, wherever. You would never hear me say that a year ago.  I thought I would die in Dallas with my family.  But, I’ve never been committed to a normal life.

I do see His power, I’ve felt His grace and I’m grateful.  I know He provides, He protects, blessed is the man who trusts in Him.  I know this.  In my heart of hearts.  I believe it, within the best of me.  But I want to see.  I want him to show me those things unsearchable.  Maybe He has answered me with this.  Does one ever know? 

But in all this, I seek His power, His word.  He opens and closes doors. Check out this devo today.  God speaks through asses… HA.  But, sometimes we’re as hardheaded as Baalam, and keep thinking the stupid donkey took me off the road.  Why can’t I see the angel?  2 Kings 6.8-22, Elisha is in Dothan and the King of Dothan surrounds him by horses and chariots… Elisha prays for his servants eyes to be opened to see the hills full of angels with horses and chariots of fire surrounding and protecting them.  God’s already there, JUST OPEN MY EYES.  

I wonder what would have happened had the men of God in the word not had faith to go?   

Romans 1.16-17  -I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.

I wonder what would have happened to Abraham had he not gone?  Isaac?  Jacob?  Moses? Elijah? Elisha? Isaiah?  Jeremiah? I wonder about Noah?  JTB?  Soo many stories.  So much to read.  So little effort, just listen and just TRUST. 

I just want to know what God’s doing here in me.  If it’s just an Aladdin, “Do you trust me?” type game, or is this, are you ready son?  type stuff.  I want this confirmed, so that I may pursue Him wholeheartedly with all my being, I pray I am right now anyways.  Or that this idea is denied, so that I can not stress.  

But I do rejoice in the practice.  In the prayer, pursuit, and petition.   I used to love to practice football, and many thought me crazy, two-a-days in 100 degree heat in August just weren’t that bad, when you realized what a blessing the exercise was.  Why can’t I learn to love this?  I pray I learn. 

I want to know how to process this in community, family, etc.  I know some of it.  But the LORD makes His people move, He knows how to close doors, He knows how to open doors. 

I want to know Him and the power of His resurrection through the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings. Philippians 3.10

— sorry to go on and on in this one.  I realize I divulge too much information here.  But I am ok w/ it, pray for me.  God’s still good, all the time.

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