Lord- what a good day.
Jimmy Needham at watermark. First Dallas concert. Blessed me. If you haven’t got his cd, “spoken” get it. check out benediction, dearly loved, freedom, amongst others.
truly blessed me to see it come to fruition. two years of prayer, seems the Lord’s just answered so many prayers in the past two weeks, from Ryan’s babies, to Bobby’s marriage to a beautiful God seeking woman in Stacie, to lunch with mom, to work to checks, to leasing the house on Coveridge. God’s truly shown up. there is light at the end of the tunnel. there is hope and a future, even when it seems so dark, and doesn’t seem one will persist.
this time, i don’t know how I’ve come through, but i have become more obedient. lending an open ear and praying for wisdom and the solution.
the solution is there, and it is in Christ. because there is no other hope. but outside of that, all hope is gone without Him, all love is futile without Him. all light and life is in Him who at His very name, every knee will bow and tongue confess that Jesus is Lord.
I pray i can take the challenge today, and scream Christ in my life. i pray YA at WM can take the challenge today, and seek the only solution, death to self, life in Christ. i say suffering is Not, in Christ, because though we call it that, we know it not. i know no blood in my palms or feet, no pain in my side. without Christ we know suffering. I suffered back in the day, for i had not Christ to know suffering.
I deal with guilt and shame. this is my cycle. if i eat a burger and french fries i deal with guilt and shame, if i miss a workout, guilt and shame. if i lose a deal at work, guilt and shame. if i don’t wake up for monday morning sales meeting, guilt and shame. multiply this times a myriad of daily sins and you have my past life and this is a lie from the pit. the devil has a strategy, and i have an answer today. Christ. Death to self, life in Christ.
in the stillness of the night,
in the quiet of when i write,
i can see the life and light,
i can understand the fight.
for i am no longer right.
i lived a pitiful life in college. one mixed with drugs and playing. drinking and dancing. dating and dazing. but i was right, i had the solution, or i would find one. this life was filled with paranoia and pain. pity and defeat because even in a win i could only find futility. and in defeat was just a confirmation of the inevitable, i must die. more pain then i in myself could handle.
self was the only game i played. gain was the only solution, yet i took no ground. i could not become the person i wanted to be, nor the person i should. for i led people, many days. with many wandering strays. yet the methods were only my ways.
i could read proverbs and gain no insight for i knew not the fear of the Lord. i knew fear of just about nothing. life nor death, angels nor demons could come against this mind, for i had built walls.
when will i love myself?
today i know. only when i love Christ.
better is one day in His courts, i would rather be a doorkeep in the house of my Lord, then to dwell in the tents of sinners, for the Lord our God is a sun and a shield, the Lord bestows favor and honor, no good thing does He with hold from him whose walk is upright. O Lord my God, blessed is the man who trusts in You. ps 84.10-12[paraphrased]
today i learn. i need You like a hurricane.